Learning, laughing, living

It absolutely amazes me as to what God will do with a completely willing vessel and moldable clay. My last post was a reflection of where my heart had been arriving for many months, laying down my life to what God wants for me and the children rather than how I think it should all work out. As a planner, I don’t always handle ambiguity well. As a doubting Thomas, sometimes I need God to virtually walk up and knock me over the head with proof as to why I should go where He is leading me.

So much has happened in my life since I last posted that my obsessive compulsive brain has struggled as to how to share it. I still plan to be sporadic with the posts with no absolute discernible order or at least as sporadic as I can wrap my brain around, but what I want to communicate today is God has answered my deepest and most often prayed prayer. I know I will again have a best friend, help meet and the children will have a mother who will love them as if she gave birth to them herself. Once I laid down all my expectations, absolutes and opened my heart, God met my doubting Thomas and gave me the neon light I needed. I look forward to sharing the many stories that brought me there in future posts.

Even as my heart brims over with hope and feelings I never thought I would have again the heaviness of life still swirls around me and those I love. I’ve watched as a beloved neighbor and friend who has prostate cancer has gone from having the ability to mow his lawn to struggling to walk. I learned that a friend from work who along with a team of others tirelessly raised money to fight cancer and gave generously to our family during our times of greatest need has herself been diagnosed with breast cancer. I am deeply grieved and hopeful simultaneously. I don’t know what the future holds for either of these friends but as Christians I know the story of their lives, however long or short, will end in streets of gold.

I want to close this post by sharing a simple song with you about John 3:16. It was written by a grieving husband who lost his wife. This song has ministered many times to me during my walk as a widower. Yes life is heavy at times for all of us and from our perspective bad things happen for inexplicable reasons. As we walk through the valleys of life it is critical to keep an eternal perspective. The worst thing that could happen to any of us is death without salvation from the penalty of sin.

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