As a little girl, I remember standing by the sink and watching my Daddy shave his face. I remember the thick white lather of his shaving cream and the smell of his aftershave. I also remember how much I looked up to and loved my Dad. I would follow him around just to be near him…..tool fetcher, drink getter, no job was too big or too small if it meant I could be with my Daddy. After all, my Daddy LOVED me!

Today, I watched while my husband shaved his face. I have been trying to savor that time with him everyday since we married on July 24th. It only takes about 5 minutes, I guess. Sometimes it is just a pure pleasure to sit and watch him get ready to slay the dragon called work. Usually, we talk….often I pray for him. Other times, like today, it is an exercise in savoring the moment. Today, I had a whole carport full of yard sale items to sort and price. Lunch needed to be prepared. Children needed my attention. I was tempted to leave….to throw myself into the duties of the day. What held me there? The memories of my “first” life.

I remember camping with my husband Scott. I remember pouring through a novel inside the tent while he sat by the fire looking up at the stars in the deep woods of Aroostook County, Maine. He called to me…”Melissa, put that book down. Come look at these stars with me!” I hesitated…I was in a really good part of the story! Eventually, I did go out and look at the stars with him…but not immediately. In other words, I am sure he felt that the novel was the priority
of the moment more so than those few minutes with him.

Now, I see things differently….most days, any way. While we should not live in the past, I cannot tell you that I haven’t wished I had those minutes back. But I can tell you that the minutes that I casually tossed aside for the duty or distraction of the moment have taught me a valuable lesson. I pray that Darren and I will not leave this space of gratitude. The space where we are achingly aware of the fragility of life with someone we love. How in a moment it can all be changed forever. For me, watching my husband shave, is a moment in time that I can show him I reverence him. I love him. Nothing is as important as spending those moments together before we face the outside world. I never asked my Dad how he felt when I was watching him shave but I can tell you that I now understand better how much that time with him meant to me. Our youngest, Annie, is fond of telling Darren when he needs to shave and occasionally she watches him as well. It is my plan to always remind her to savor those moments…..shaving, washing dishes together, working in the yard, carrying the groceries in. Whatever mundane thing it is that you get to do with your loved one….I encourage you to do it with the idea that it may be your last opportunity. Be 100% present…..savor the preciousness of this life.

Finally an update ....

Melissa and I have been extremely busy bringing two households together but do intend on sharing our experineces as two become one on many, many levels. The events of this weekend are as good as place as any to begin sharing. Because our perspectives are so different, I am pleased to share that Melissa will be actively writing for the blog. We hope you enjoy this update.

My sweet husband, brought our family back to Maine for the Labor Day holiday. As many of you know, Darren is a planner and I am a “right now” kind of person. We can balance each other wonderfully: he prepares for the road ahead and I help him enjoy today. These same wonderful qualities can also annoy the other partner immensely! Because of our different personalities, I was once again amazed by my best friend. His planning met a need I didn’t even anticipate having! (Darren is probably chuckling right now because planners ANTICIPATE….very difficult for those like myself who worry about tomorrow in tomorrow!) That being said, Darren planned this trip (between working at home and Delta) while I was unpacking boxes and thinking about what to have for dinner each day…..I am so thankful he did!
While the sky was yet dark on Sunday morning of Sept. 6th we woke our eight blessings. Zachary said, “Dad, it is practically the middle of the night!” Sounds of delight filled the morning quiet once the children saw their backpacks ready to go and it sunk in that Dad wasn’t playing a practical joke….we really were on our way to Maine! Even as we headed to the airport, I was still thinking about what I could be accomplishing if I stayed in Newnan and just kept plugging away at the unpacking. That is why I found myself incredulous as several hours later I, too, realized I was wanting….no yearning….for Maine and family. As the scenery changed so did my heart. 3,000 miles in 3 days…no problem! A 45 minute ride to the airport, a few hours on the plane, a 5 hour drive from Boston to Milo for a little over a day of play then a 5 hour drive to Boston, a few hours on a plane and a 45 minute drive home to Newnan. Phewww, I am tired just writing that! When we passed into New Hampshire a song called “How Great is Our God” came on I was instantly overwhelmed with gratitude.

Here’s what I was thinking:

Labor Day September 7, 2009: exactly 6 months from the date the Isherwood and Hill families met in person.

6 months ago we were two separate families praying for each other as we navigated life without Scott and Karen.

6 months ago we existed in the day…Darren and I forcing ourselves to choose joy, to choose to make a life for our children without our other halves.

6 months ago our children prayed diligently for their respective parents hoping that someday they could feel like a complete family again….missing their deceased parent and hoping for a new one for themselves and for Darren and me.

It has been a whirlwind in the past six months…hearts joining, packing, unpacking, planning, and transitioning…..but I want to tell you, in all of it, I see the hand of God! Our Great God carried the Hill and Isherwood families through tragic and heart wrenching circumstances and days of deep grief . As we reached the “Welcome to Milo” sign, our children were counting down….”10, 9, 8, 7…” The cheers blasted my eardrums as we drove into the rural town where it all began 6 months ago….two families who understood grief getting together to share a good time and encourage each other.
I cannot imagine my life without these 8 children….watching them love and challenge each other every day is truly evidence of God’s great provision! Having the opportunity to have a best friend again, a “good cop”/ “bad cop” for parenting, someone to make plans with and enjoy all the “little” things in life with….someone who understands until “death do us part”….again, God’s amazing provision! A loving supportive family who will put out cots and sleeping bags, cook and plan and gather at a moment’s notice for our large family…..again, God’s amazing blessings! Two large church families and many friends and family members who lovingly lift our family up to the Lord…..God’s blessings! The list goes on and on……. We are so thankful!

What did 3,000 miles in 3 days teach me? That this Mary (I am a “yes” girl…often trying to pack too much into one day!) sometimes needs to be Martha (Thank you, Darren for seeking the heart of God and then listening for the answers!) and sit at the feet of the Lord to take a fresh look at what He is teaching me and remember what He has done for me! There are boxes still waiting to be unpacked but for today, at least, they can wait…I am going to make dinner for 8 hungry children. Thank you, Lord, for these many blessings!

A note from Mr. and Mrs. Isherwood

Dear Family and Friends:

Greetings from Mr. and Mrs. James Darren Isherwood!

Let me begin by saying the past two months have gone quicker than any other time in my life. Since the last update much has occurred. We will share in time more details of the past two months in the mean time here’s the cliff notes.

Packed our house in Maine
8 children
Sold our house in Maine
8 children
Packed and drove a moving truck 1,500 miles from Maine to Georgia
8 children
Remodeled our home in Georgia to make way for 6 becoming 10.
Several trips back and forth between Georgia and Maine.
8 children
Two families learning to become one
8 children
Clothing 8 children for a wedding
Rehearsal for wedding
Wedding – July 24, 2009 at 7p.m. in Bradford, Maine
Trip to Georgia July 25, 2009 started at 2.am. (That’s right 7 whole hours!)
Honeymoon (Thanks to Melissa’s parents and Lidia for keeping those 8 children!)

These are just the physical things. The emotional stuff has been much harder and more beautiful. We both are speechless when we think of all that has occurred. We were both married to our best friends and never imagined our lives taking the turns that we and our children have endured. God works in mysterious ways. Yet we both rest knowing God is control and have certainly enjoyed this time in our lives. The best way I can describe this time in our lives is painfully, beautiful. It’s hard to say goodbye to family, friends, childhood home, a town you’ve lived in nearly your entire life, your church home, seeing someone else living in your house and playing on the playground your dad built with you and for you, having your best friend 1,500 miles apart, seeing the house your mother decorated changing before your very eyes, watching as the “norms” of your life change so quickly. It hurts, and is … painful.

The beauty is … well it’s hard to find words. It’s like being asked to describe a rainbow, sunset, sunrise, walk along the beach and a view from a mountain peak all at once.

As I type this update, my sweet wife is taking a nap and I can hear her shallow content breathing as she is sleeping soundly. I think I will stop here and join her.

Please forgive the lack of update over the past many weeks but as you can see it has been rather busy. It is our intent to bring the blog up to date and continue posting until we feel led differently. Until the next update as often as you think of our family please pray for us.

Okay back to bringing the rest of the world up with ours. Some quick rambling thoughts …. At the end of May the children and I traveled to Maine and spent nearly a week there. After our time together in Maine the whole gang traveled back down to Georgia and we enjoyed another week and half together here. We had a wonderful time together!

We are blessed to have her parents live close so Melissa and the girls stayed with them while the boys and I stayed at her house. We are blessed here in Georgia too as I was able to stay with family (Karen’s parents) while the rest of the bunch started forming a new “normal” being together under one roof at our home in Georgia.

Speaking of homes we are selling Melissa’s house or giving it away really as we just want to break even with the mortgage. We feel very blessed to have a contract on the house in this market and ask that you join us in prayer that it would sell before we marry.

The time we spent together was extremely busy and Melissa and I learned a lot. Three things that stick out in my mind are the amount of food it takes to feed our bunch, the need to stay on top of the laundry or you will drown in it! Socks alone, ten people changing socks daily in one week equals 140 dirty socks! The third thought and really the most important is what I touched on in the last post, we are abundantly blessed. The work that comes with eight children is overshadowed with the blessing of having them. Melissa and I have been given the opportunity to hone and sharpen 8 arrows that will fly out into the future. Like a pebble on still water, the ripple affect from what we do today will affect many in generations to come.

You guys should start your own reality show, is a comment we hear often. Thanks but no thanks is my reply but people’s responses upon seeing our crew together does make me smile for the most part. An example, on our way down from Maine to Georgia we stopped into a McDonald’s restaurant for lunch. I walked up to the counter and began to tell the lady that I needed to order 10 small fries, 10 waters when she stops me mid sentence with a quizzical look and a, “How many?”

I begin to repeat myself when she interrupts again with a, “What?” At this point, I’m thinking to myself my accent can’t be that bad. So I say ten, one zero small fries, waters, cheeseburgers. She laughed and said I thought that is what you said but I wanted to make sure, because that’s a lot of food for one family. I’m grateful for the dollar menu and that water is still free!

Sadly we are apart again but not much longer now. Our house in Maine is ready for the move and we are doing a lot of work here in Georgia to make the house ready for 6 to grow to 10. We are all processing different emotions as the changes continue. I marvel at the children’s love and care for each other one moment, desire to strangle the other 10 minutes later which is then quickly followed by laughing and playing together a short time after whatever the problem was is solved. We may not officially be a family for a while longer but you wouldn’t know that if you spent any time with us.

The wedding plans are coming along and we are all very excited about officially becoming a family.

Abundantly Blessed!!!!

Even more abundantly blessed this father's day than just one year ago!

My favorite quote on large familes comes from a man that lived over 350 years ago …

I remember a great man coming into my house at Waltham; and, seeing all my children standing in the order of their age and size, he said, "These are what make rich men poor." But I gave him this answer, "No, my lord, these are what make a poor man rich; for there is not one of these we would part with for all your wealth." Joseph Hall 1574-1656

I feel immeasurably blessed to have 8 children call me dad today! I am truly rich!!

When I hear the song in the video below I am reminded of how fast my children are growing up and the short window of time that I have to influence them and in doing so impact in some way all the generations that follow.

Joy and Sadness strange companions . . .

Today I feel joyous, hopeful and overwhelmingly saddened all at once. Melissa and members of her family are packing up the house in Maine and I just got the pictures of what that looks like. A picture is worth a thousands words. Seeing the house “staged” to be sold and seeing so many boxes of their life in Maine gives me just a glimpse of what she, the children, her family and friends are feeling at this time.

The pictures vividly bring to mind the sacrifices they are making in moving to Georgia. The house they’ve known, the town and surrounding area Melissa grew up in that virtually all her family lives in or near, just to name a few. We are confident in where God is leading our families but like most times of great change and growth it isn’t pain free.

The physical and emotional changes will become more drastic and prominent here in Georgia soon as we make way for our family of six to grow to ten.

Please continue to pray for us and our extended families during this emotionally charged time in our lives. God is good all the time, not just when life feels good.

How do the children in Maine feel about their mother marrying?

I want to share with you now a little glimpse onto the steep and winding road that my children in Maine have walked since they last were able to run into the arms of their dad. I’m overwhelmed when I think of the friendship God brought to Melissa and me as it is born out of great pain and suffering. My heart breaks when I think of what our children have endured in the loss of their parents at such young ages.

I’m not swayed however, I’m certain God has a plan for each of our lives and the joining of these two families is part of that plan. God is our strong tower, a mighty fortress! The winds of difficulty and hardship have shaped and changed us but I rest knowing it was under His ever present watch.

I love you Melissa, Noah, Eli and Annie.

The following is from Melissa and the children and will give you a small glimpse into their walk over the past few years and how they feel about our two families becoming one.

Flashback to June 9, 2006

I am lying in the bed with my boys, Noah and Eli snuggled in on each shoulder. One year old Annie Grace is long since asleep thanks to the loving care of my mother. I have shed more tears in this day than I ever thought was humanly possible. I am empty. It is surreal; surely I will wake up soon and this will all have been a nightmare, just a really horrific bad dream, a mistake or maybe someone else’s life.

Just 24 hours earlier, I lay in this same bed with my husband his arm draped around me and a smile on my face as I thought of how I was living the life I wanted; my best friend by my side and my babies down the hall.

Now he is gone from our presence until the Lord decides to take us all home. At that moment I wish He would, it would be so much easier than this. We are all crying - Eli age 4, Noah age 6 and me 30 years old. I met Scott at 15. I loved him for half of my life. Lost in my thoughts, Eli asks, “Mom, who is gonna be our Daddy now?” With whispering voice, as that is all I can muster , I reassure him that no one will ever take his Daddy’s place and that we will have to lean and trust on our heavenly Father more than we ever have before. I tell him that Daddy will always be in his heart and that maybe someday God will bring us another Daddy here on earth but until that time we can be thankful for our Grandpas, Uncles and all the men at church who will love and do “guy” stuff with us. It is a question I will be asked many more times through the days and years ahead. It doesn’t take long, maybe a few weeks and the boys begin praying, “God, please take care of Daddy in heaven and please send us a new Daddy.”

Over time, we fall into a prayer that goes like this: “Please, God, send us a new Daddy. One that will be Mommy’s best friend, will want to hear our Daddy stories, and who loves you most of all.” I pray this prayer almost every single night first with Annie and then with the boys. If I forget Annie reminds me and we tag it on the end of our prayers. Sometimes it is just part of what we pray other times it rips my heart in two to think this is my children’s normal.

February 2009, one night after praying this prayer yet again, Annie says to me: “Momma, why hasn’t God sent me a Daddy yet?” In tears and with thick voice, I tell her, “I don’t know Annie. But I think it is because He is getting the new Daddy ready for us and us ready for the new Daddy.” It is all I can say, later in my own prayers I beg God to bring this little girl a Daddy before she tires of asking.

March 2009 I am talking on the phone to Darren and the children are underfoot pulling at me to read bedtime stories. I get off the phone with Darren and call a family meeting. As we all pile on Annie’s bed I say, “Do you guys want a new Daddy?” They simultaneously shout “Yes!” I proceed to tell them that I believe that Darren is going to be that Daddy. Noah practically shouts, “Oh, Mom, I was wishing he could be the one!” We spend the next few minutes talking about what this news means for our family. I explain to them how I feel about Darren and the children. Noah, Eli, and Annie are so excited they are bouncing the bed up and down.

Over the days and weeks that follow they wait in anticipation for the “question” to be asked. On more than one occasion they say to me, “Mom, can’t you just ask him to marry you?!” On April 12, 2009 they have tangible proof in the form of an engagement ring on their Mom’s finger that they have a new Daddy. Their prayers have been answered. Every time they twirl or look at the ring on my finger I remind them…“This means you have a Daddy again.” The best part is not only do they get a Daddy but 5 brothers and sisters! Their feelings about that would take another whole post, but a quick summary would be that Darren and I know we are blessed beyond measure and these children are firmly rooted in each other’s hearts.

Final note: I am thankful to report that our prayers now go like this: “Thank you, God for sending us a new Daddy. Thank you for JD, Hannah, Matthew, Rachel and Zachary. Please help us to knit our families so tightly together that nothing could tear us apart.”

I just read the story above to Noah, Eli and Annie for their approval to share with all of you … Their response was, “Tell people! … We love our new Dad!”