From 4 to 14 ... Wow that was fast ... too fast ... way too fast!!

Today, J.D., our oldest son, started in his first ever “real” baseball game. I wasn’t able to be there for the first pitch but I did arrive just as J.D. was coming up to the plate for the first time. He kept is eye on the ball and only missed the ball once. He kept fouling it off and on one of those swings the ball found the top of his left hand. Not wanting to be the overbearing, overprotective parent I strolled over to the fence where I clear could see his hand immediately swelling and changing colors. I then strolled (a little faster now) over to the concession stand to get a bag of ice to put on his hand.

When the inning ended, the coach kept J.D. off the field. As the next inning came to a close the coach motioned me over. J.D.’s hand wasn’t looking any better and was continuing to swell. We decided the game was over for him and it would be best to get an xray of his hand to make certain no bones were broken.

When we reached the van, he wasn’t able to untie his cleats so he asked for my help (yes! he still needs me!!). When he sat down I bent to untie his shoes and I had to choke back the swell of emotion that came upon me. Here before me was a young man, where my little boy once sat. Blinking hard to keep the tears at bay I began untying and smiled at the size of his shoes; sIze 14 the same as his age. Immediately I could see in my minds eye me picking him up and placing him on the counter in our kitchen to tie his shoes before he went outside. Shoes not bigger than the palm of my hand....then just as quickly I’m snapped out of memory lane by a “Thanks Dad” as I slid off his cleats.

Arriving at the hospital brought back many memories. While looking for a space to park I was now back to July of 1995. It was late afternoon as a 23 year old boy arrived in the same parking lot looking for a space near the door because his wife refused to be dropped at the door insisting instead to walk whatever distance was necessary by his side, because we were in “this” together. The “this” was the birth of J.D. at 10:56 pm, weighing just 6 pounds, 9.8 ounces, 19 and 3 quarter inches long.

After I got him checked in, he stepped into the bathroom and I sat down quickly entering memory lane again. So many memories, such a range of emotion I find it impossible to put them to words.

Before J.D. had come out of the bathroom Melissa arrived to “tag out” with me so I could head to work. As I looked at her it was clear she had been crying. I realized again how blessed I am, abundantly blessed. I’m delighted to have her by my side to share my life and overwhelmed that God would give me two women who love me with all them have and J.D. a second mother to worry over him and what is more important pray over him.

God is good all the time.

“Road Trip!”

Wonder what it is like to travel with 8 kids in tow?

This past December, we were invited to visit Arkansas by Momma Karen’s wonderful Uncle Jim and Aunt Genise. As an added bonus, we would get to spend time with Aunt Marcy and Uncle Jimbo. We love these four wise and caring family members….they have invested in our Georgia family for many years with their love, prayers and time. I had the privilege of meeting Aunt Genise in June of 2009 and Uncle Jim about a month later in July. They were so genuine, kind and accepting. So, when the invitation came to go to Arkansas I didn’t hesitate to say “Yes!” As the date of departure came closer I became nervous but I was instantly put at ease with their friendly loving mannerisms.

We had a whirlwind of a week! First, I got to meet Aunt Marcy and Uncle Jimbo! What a great time for me and a happy reunion for our Georgia natives! Jim, Genise, Marcy and Jimbo treated us to fun galore: ice skating, swimming, great food and fellowship! Highlights for the kids were backrubs from Aunt Genise, magic tricks with Uncle Jim, hugs and surprises from Aunt Marcy and Uncle Jimbo, food and horses at the famous Dixie Stampede and a day long adventure at Silver Dollar City! That only covers a portion of what we fit in that week! Let’s just say we felt like we were on a dream vacation with people we love very much! It wasn’t perfect, though, because Dad had to stay home and work. Thank you, Darren, for working so hard for us so we can make these kind of wonderful memories!

Now for the logistics of travel: Our 8 children are pros at travel. They are savvy packers! They understand that if they pack “it” they have to carry “it”; so they are thoughtful and wise in their decisions. Thanks to Momma Karen’s organizational skills along with Hannah’s tweaking they each have a list of what they pack so they (hopefully) will bring all essentials to vacation and home from vacation.

The travel to Arkansas? Smooth as butter. The travel home? Not so much! Read on….

Darren thoughtfully booked us a hotel near the airport for the night before our 5:50 a.m. flight. The kids were super at getting ready…..but after 3 spills in the breakfast area of our hotel I was starting to get nervous. Was this how our day was going to go? Unfortunately, my concerns were well founded! We were still trudging through security when they boarded and closed our flight. We arrived at the gate seconds too late! Now for the punch line….that was the only available flight for “Isherwood Party of 9” to even remotely make it home in time for Grandma and Grandpa Hussey to arrive from Maine within the following 2 days. I was aggravated and stressed. It was clear: we were not going to leave Arkansas by plane that day! So, I called “Road Trip!” 8 dejected travelers sat on a bench waiting for Mom to do something miraculous. After visiting several rental car booths, I finally found a deal. We packed ourselves into this new SUV type of vehicle like the clown car at the circus! Even with our light packing we had bags piled under our feet and up to the ceiling! We hit the road for Memphis, Tennessee hoping to catch a flight from there to Atlanta. The kids were hesitantly agreeable….after all, they wanted to get home too and spending another day at the airport didn’t sound like much fun.

We started out singing, joking and enjoying sites we hadn’t seen before. We stopped for lunch at a McDonald’s and hit the road again. We were all feeling a bit smug, I think, about our progress when “IT” happened. About an hour outside of Memphis, Zachary lost his lunch all over Matthew’s new stuffed animal …..well, actually all over Matthew! His aim included Annie’s favorite bear and Matthew’s lap and coat…in fact, any where except for the “barf bag” we brought along! As, I made my way across four lanes of traffic to the edge of the highway, the alarm was spreading. By the time I was able to get stopped and get to the back of the vehicle this was the scene: Zachary actively vomiting, Matthew crying for his clothes, his brother and his new Webkinz, Annie crying for her brother and her bear, Eli crying for Annie because she is sad about her bear, Hannah screaming at Zachary to stop getting sick and for heaven’s sake hit the barf bag, Noah sitting in stunned silence, JD planning for the future (“Mom, I think we are like miles from nowhere!” and Rachel. Oh, sweet Rachel, she is gazing on this scene with big eyes and when I get to her brother she looks at me and just starts to cry. At this point, I totally lose it and scream, “Rachel, what are you crying for?!?!?!?!” To which she replies, “I’m sad for you, Mom!” On a scale of 1 to 10 of Mothering, I scored about negative 5. But praise God for perspective so this is where I say, “Thank you, Rachel”.

With nothing….and I mean NOTHING….to clean up this vomit; we spent another 30 or so very quiet and very smelly minutes travelling to the nearest freeway exit. Right off the exit was a Kroger…we gratefully disembarked while I went in to forage for water, wet wipes, paper towels, cleaner, etc. As I was headed into the store I heard a strange noise. I turned just in time to see Rachel vomiting down the outside of the vehicle! Oh man….this was really not the way it was supposed to go! About and hour later after all occupants and the vehicle were cleaned and settled I shifted the car into drive and started to leave the parking lot. I drove about ten feet when—you guessed it—the vomiting came again! Thankfully, it was contained this time.

We arrived in Memphis disheveled, exhausted and praying to catch a flight home. Rachel slept through dinner, Zach revived and was ravenous. Our dinnertime conversation revolved around various ways to clean a stuffed animal without ruining the integrity of the “fluffy feeling”. We waited anxiously at the airport gate and cheered when they called our names to board! We were headed home!

Our day started at 4 a.m. and we made it home a little past midnight. We had 20 hours of drink spills, vomit, laughter, tears, exploding snack bags, frustration, grace and forgiveness but mostly, lots and lots of LOVE! We made some crazy memories…some good and some not so good. However, this is my disclaimer: I am so thankful to be Mom to JD, Hannah, Matthew, Noah, Rachel, Eli, Zachary and Annie Grace. Thankfully, not every child got sick. Instead, what every child did do throughout our long crazy day was, at some point, encourage someone, help someone, have compassion on someone. From cracking a joke to lighten the moment to carrying a bag for someone else to shedding tears of sadness for someone else’s misfortune to praising someone for something done well….these children are a team and I am so grateful to be part of it! I am hoping, however, that our next trip will be exciting in a “vomit-free-make-the-flight” kind of way! J

“He Took My Chip!”

“He Took My Chip!” …..A little about our children:

As many of you know, Darren and I met in person in March of 2009 when the Hill Family invited the Isherwood Family to Maine to enjoy the benefits of a northern winter. Prior to that time Darren and I had simply been phone and email friends…Christian widow and widower who “got” each others lives. Thankfully, the Isherwood family accepted and on March 7, 2009 the Isherwood clan arrived in snowy Maine. When these eight children met each other you would have thought they were long lost buddies! After introductions were given all around they jumped into doing what kids do best: playing. Board games were set up, princesses and cowboys were seen in various stages of costume, trampoline jumping contests were ongoing. From sledding to joke telling the kids just hit it off! The most interesting part was there did not seem to be any “super polite” or wary behavior of these new friends. Instead almost instantaneously the children became the best of friends and fierce competitors!

Our families spent 3 full days fellowshipping together. On our last evening together we ventured to a favorite local Mexican restaurant. Diners gawked at the parade of children as we were led to a table in the far recesses of the restaurant. Shortly after being seated we were served salsa and chips. Darren and I sat at one end of the table debating our meal choice while the children, in their Mexican Sombreros, were munching away. I remember being very distracted by Darren’s profile and persona while he was intently trying to get me to choose an entrée when suddenly I was jerked out of my reverie by a very shrill 7 year old voice screaming, “He took my chip!” My sweet Rachel was glaring down the boys across from her (JD and Eli) as she accusingly pointed her finger. Darren quickly jumped up from his seat to go speak to her about “restaurant manners” while I hid behind the menu stifling my giggles. At that moment Rachel cemented herself in my heart! It was on the ride home that night that I realized God was calling our families together.

I remember that on the ride home JD was chatting away about computers, iPods and the like when a still small voice inside of me called me to be the mother of eight children! Now, this presented a little problem as I was not fully convinced yet that Darren was feeling what I was feeling but that is another part of the story. As the evening played out, Darren and I both witnessed how the children had been impacted by one another. Not one child was ready to be separated….forget going back to “normal life”! The Hill boys shed tears for fear that they would not get to see the Isherwood children again. The Isherwood children were solemn and dejected that the time had come to an end. After all the others were in bed and I arrived to help Darren gather their things for the ride home, JD came to speak to me and subsequently melted my heart. He said, “Miss Hill, Thank you for opening your home to us and cooking for us. I just want to tell you that these past few days I felt like a real family.” The tears rolled down my cheeks as I said, “Me too, JD. Me too.”

Fast forward one year: How do these children feel about each other now? They are brothers and sisters. They love each other intently and knock the rough edges off each other. They play hard and work hard together. Of their own volition there is no isolation…no separation. Thanks to God’s provision, all eight bear the Isherwood name through adoption. They dream big dreams and ask thousands of questions. Darren and I have realized that we have no “shrinking violets” or “doormats” in our family. They are all opinionated and strong willed. They are all healthy and bright. These 8 children who have survived the deep sorrow of the death of a mother and a father are laughing, living, hoping, planning. Their world is whole again.

I leave you with one final thought: Today our 14 year old son was sharing about a disappointing memory he had from several years ago when Momma Karen was still with him. They had been planning to go the Georgia Aquarium for some time and when the event was to happen, the plans fell through. It was extremely disappointing. Interestingly enough, our clan got to visit the Aquarium this fall. It was a really fun and special time as a family. JD went on to say that he felt that the reason that he didn’t get to go the first time it was planned was that God had meant for that experience to be had altogether with our new family. He was moved to emotion and I realized he was right: God had done what He does so often (if we are paying attention). He answers our prayers; in this case a boy’s desire to visit the aquarium, in His time and in a bigger way than we can ever imagine.

5 boys, 3 girls. A year ago they were strangers. Today, their hearts are knit together by God’s mighty hand. We are so blessed.

The house is quiet. All my children are tucked into their beds. Darren is at work. I can faintly hear the sounds of Odyssey playing in my children’s bedrooms as they drift off to sleep to (hopefully) dream peaceful dreams. I am alone. It is a strange sensation. While laundry is ever waiting, homework needs correcting, notes should be written; I have decided instead to put a few thoughts into words during this brief interlude from the routine demands of my days.

The sensation of being alone….of actually being aware of the lack of sounds of daily living…the absence of energy of 8 children is strangely surreal. Tonight, as I went around to their beds to give kisses, hugs and pray over the children I was so aware that 371 days ago we did not know each other beyond telephone, snail mail, or emails. When I think of what God has done in 371 short days I am overwhelmed. You may think that is foolish considering what He created in just 7 days at the dawn of time. The thing is that this is my life….my tangible reality. And I stand AMAZED! As I reflect on the way that God has knit our ten hearts together in this past year I feel that there aren’t words fine enough to describe what has taken place. Truly, the Hill and Isherwood families merging into one is reason to praise the Lord!

Our days are so full! It seems that from the moment we put our feet on the floor we go and do and the next thing we know we are crawling back into bed to rest quickly before starting all over again. It is the most rewarding, exhausting, scary, thrilling, dramatic day-to-day life I could have imagined. As newlyweds, Darren and I are still learning each other…still studying one another….not always sure how the other will respond to certain situations. While it is our goal to never stop studying one another, we sure feel the “amnesia” that occurs when we miscue or encounter a new scenario. Karen would have known this….Scott would have known that. Then we realize: oh, yes, this person who is now my other half doesn’t know what happened to me when I was six that made me deathly afraid of dogs nor do I fully understand how he came to dislike surprises and sandwiches. The thousands of little details that make up who we have become are shared in stolen snippets of time in between pouring our hearts into raising eight straight flying arrows, working and maintaining our home and relationships. It is an unusual beginning to be sure…..sometimes frustrating, sometimes hurtful, sometimes funny, sometimes touching….but always interesting! I feel so blessed to call Darren my husband, father of my children, my other half, my best friend. We laugh, we cry, we rage, we plan, we worry, we wonder…and we do it together! The fullness of our life together abundantly overflows in stark contrast to the deep and agonizing emptiness of widow/widower hood. Psalm 9:1 reads: “I will praise thee, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will show forth all thy marvelous works.” As we head into another year-long set of seasons together we hope to share with you all the He has done and is doing. Together, we will Praise Him!

It’s been a while since our last posting so we’d thought it be fun to answer a couple of the most asked questions, “How do you feed all those people?” and “Where do they sit?”

This is just a portion of our 2 week grocery list (on average):
· 12 loaves of bread
· 8 gallons of milk
· 12 quarts of juice
· 3 jars of jam
· 3 dozen eggs
· 4 pounds of cheese
· 3 pounds of deli meat
· 2 pounds of bacon
· 4 packages of bagels
· 4 boxes of cereal
· 6 pounds of butter
· 6 heads of lettuce
· 3 jars of Applesauce
· 6 pounds of bananas
· 4 large containers of yogurt
· And the list goes on!!!

Yes, shopping for a family of 10 people (especially ravenous growing children) is a whole new experience for me! Cooking for 10 people is fun and rewarding. I really love cooking with the children and, thankfully, they all seem to enjoy cooking with me. I have found that keeping the pantry shelves stocked for our large family is truly a much more challenging job! I am learning how to navigate grocery market sales and coupon websites like never before. Menu planning is absolutely essential and fun for me to do with the children. I am especially pleased when I end up having what the children call an “All Like Day”. As you may have guessed, this is when everyone in the house actually likes all three meals of the day!!! I must confess that “linner” days are my favorite. What’s that mean? It is the day when we have breakfast and a late afternoon/early evening meal. (ie. Lunch + Dinner = Linner) Obviously, having two meals to prepare is much simpler but the real reason “Linner Days” are my favorite is because these only occur on Darren’s days off from work. So, a “Linner Day” means we get the King home with us all day and that is what we all enjoy the most!

I thought you might enjoy the picture of our large dining room table. This table is amazing! Made by the Amish, it is solid and finely crafted. Truly, it is a work of art. With four benches and four chairs, we have room for at least 16 adult people at our table. We are so blessed by this table because not only can we easily have company over but each child also has plenty of growing room! This table has already seen a lot of memories being made. We are laughing, learning, crying, praying, dreaming and doing conflict resolution at this table. If you come to visit us for any length of time, plan to make your way around the table as each of the children will want a chance to sit with you! If you get confused as to where to sit, don’t worry the children always know whose turn is next!
Truly, my cup overflows. I praise God for His faithfulness. Thank you for sharing in our journey. Until next time……

As a little girl, I remember standing by the sink and watching my Daddy shave his face. I remember the thick white lather of his shaving cream and the smell of his aftershave. I also remember how much I looked up to and loved my Dad. I would follow him around just to be near him…..tool fetcher, drink getter, no job was too big or too small if it meant I could be with my Daddy. After all, my Daddy LOVED me!

Today, I watched while my husband shaved his face. I have been trying to savor that time with him everyday since we married on July 24th. It only takes about 5 minutes, I guess. Sometimes it is just a pure pleasure to sit and watch him get ready to slay the dragon called work. Usually, we talk….often I pray for him. Other times, like today, it is an exercise in savoring the moment. Today, I had a whole carport full of yard sale items to sort and price. Lunch needed to be prepared. Children needed my attention. I was tempted to leave….to throw myself into the duties of the day. What held me there? The memories of my “first” life.

I remember camping with my husband Scott. I remember pouring through a novel inside the tent while he sat by the fire looking up at the stars in the deep woods of Aroostook County, Maine. He called to me…”Melissa, put that book down. Come look at these stars with me!” I hesitated…I was in a really good part of the story! Eventually, I did go out and look at the stars with him…but not immediately. In other words, I am sure he felt that the novel was the priority
of the moment more so than those few minutes with him.

Now, I see things differently….most days, any way. While we should not live in the past, I cannot tell you that I haven’t wished I had those minutes back. But I can tell you that the minutes that I casually tossed aside for the duty or distraction of the moment have taught me a valuable lesson. I pray that Darren and I will not leave this space of gratitude. The space where we are achingly aware of the fragility of life with someone we love. How in a moment it can all be changed forever. For me, watching my husband shave, is a moment in time that I can show him I reverence him. I love him. Nothing is as important as spending those moments together before we face the outside world. I never asked my Dad how he felt when I was watching him shave but I can tell you that I now understand better how much that time with him meant to me. Our youngest, Annie, is fond of telling Darren when he needs to shave and occasionally she watches him as well. It is my plan to always remind her to savor those moments…..shaving, washing dishes together, working in the yard, carrying the groceries in. Whatever mundane thing it is that you get to do with your loved one….I encourage you to do it with the idea that it may be your last opportunity. Be 100% present…..savor the preciousness of this life.

Finally an update ....

Melissa and I have been extremely busy bringing two households together but do intend on sharing our experineces as two become one on many, many levels. The events of this weekend are as good as place as any to begin sharing. Because our perspectives are so different, I am pleased to share that Melissa will be actively writing for the blog. We hope you enjoy this update.

My sweet husband, brought our family back to Maine for the Labor Day holiday. As many of you know, Darren is a planner and I am a “right now” kind of person. We can balance each other wonderfully: he prepares for the road ahead and I help him enjoy today. These same wonderful qualities can also annoy the other partner immensely! Because of our different personalities, I was once again amazed by my best friend. His planning met a need I didn’t even anticipate having! (Darren is probably chuckling right now because planners ANTICIPATE….very difficult for those like myself who worry about tomorrow in tomorrow!) That being said, Darren planned this trip (between working at home and Delta) while I was unpacking boxes and thinking about what to have for dinner each day…..I am so thankful he did!
While the sky was yet dark on Sunday morning of Sept. 6th we woke our eight blessings. Zachary said, “Dad, it is practically the middle of the night!” Sounds of delight filled the morning quiet once the children saw their backpacks ready to go and it sunk in that Dad wasn’t playing a practical joke….we really were on our way to Maine! Even as we headed to the airport, I was still thinking about what I could be accomplishing if I stayed in Newnan and just kept plugging away at the unpacking. That is why I found myself incredulous as several hours later I, too, realized I was wanting….no yearning….for Maine and family. As the scenery changed so did my heart. 3,000 miles in 3 days…no problem! A 45 minute ride to the airport, a few hours on the plane, a 5 hour drive from Boston to Milo for a little over a day of play then a 5 hour drive to Boston, a few hours on a plane and a 45 minute drive home to Newnan. Phewww, I am tired just writing that! When we passed into New Hampshire a song called “How Great is Our God” came on I was instantly overwhelmed with gratitude.

Here’s what I was thinking:

Labor Day September 7, 2009: exactly 6 months from the date the Isherwood and Hill families met in person.

6 months ago we were two separate families praying for each other as we navigated life without Scott and Karen.

6 months ago we existed in the day…Darren and I forcing ourselves to choose joy, to choose to make a life for our children without our other halves.

6 months ago our children prayed diligently for their respective parents hoping that someday they could feel like a complete family again….missing their deceased parent and hoping for a new one for themselves and for Darren and me.

It has been a whirlwind in the past six months…hearts joining, packing, unpacking, planning, and transitioning…..but I want to tell you, in all of it, I see the hand of God! Our Great God carried the Hill and Isherwood families through tragic and heart wrenching circumstances and days of deep grief . As we reached the “Welcome to Milo” sign, our children were counting down….”10, 9, 8, 7…” The cheers blasted my eardrums as we drove into the rural town where it all began 6 months ago….two families who understood grief getting together to share a good time and encourage each other.
I cannot imagine my life without these 8 children….watching them love and challenge each other every day is truly evidence of God’s great provision! Having the opportunity to have a best friend again, a “good cop”/ “bad cop” for parenting, someone to make plans with and enjoy all the “little” things in life with….someone who understands until “death do us part”….again, God’s amazing provision! A loving supportive family who will put out cots and sleeping bags, cook and plan and gather at a moment’s notice for our large family…..again, God’s amazing blessings! Two large church families and many friends and family members who lovingly lift our family up to the Lord…..God’s blessings! The list goes on and on……. We are so thankful!

What did 3,000 miles in 3 days teach me? That this Mary (I am a “yes” girl…often trying to pack too much into one day!) sometimes needs to be Martha (Thank you, Darren for seeking the heart of God and then listening for the answers!) and sit at the feet of the Lord to take a fresh look at what He is teaching me and remember what He has done for me! There are boxes still waiting to be unpacked but for today, at least, they can wait…I am going to make dinner for 8 hungry children. Thank you, Lord, for these many blessings!